You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
