A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
