How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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