We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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