so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
