her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I cockslap morals
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
