So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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