My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
