careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize