Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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