its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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