i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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