Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
