Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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