Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
