shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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