Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I understand Curling. That high.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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