They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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