I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just had sex bonerless
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
