I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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