Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize