homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
