i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
