You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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