I didn't shave. On purpose
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
