Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
