I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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