if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
