I think i peed on brittanys purse
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
