I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
