; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jerry, you need to find god
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
