never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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