Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
