We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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