just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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