I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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