Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
