Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
