My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
