I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
