the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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