perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
