I'm going to jail i love you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize