Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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