it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
