Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
