ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I want is dick and wine.
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