So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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