is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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