I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
