There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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