I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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