9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize