She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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