I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We don't watch enough power rangers
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
