she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I stole a fireplace last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
