is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
