U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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