I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
