so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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