big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
