Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
