i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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