I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize