this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
