grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
