Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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