It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
